The Art of True Response

By Karči Cole Kňazovický

The Art of True Response is the ability to truly communicate with oneself first and therefore with others. This ability has been largely lost. Many are not really in touch with themselves or with a true part of themselves, and most certainly not in touch with their feeling body which lies, denied, below their conscious and subconscious awareness.  

The split is between thought and feeling. This is the cause of all “evil.”

Did you skim over the above sentence? I recommend you read it again! 

A Course in Miracles: Any split in mind must involve a rejection of part of it, and this is the belief in separation. (T-6.II.1)

A Course of Love: What is required to claim your power is the willingness to move through the conflict of two opposing thoughts and feelings to the place of unity. (T2:4.9)

Feelings are not equal to thoughts. They lay hidden under clouds of denial. To find compete oneness with oneself, all feelings must be recognized, accepted, and then evolved with the rest of oneself.

Here are some guidelines on how to do this easily, without much trauma or endless verbal expression.

The most important step in this evolution is to realize that what we think our feelings are, are not our true feelings! They are thoughts that seem like feelings; endless descriptions and long stories that keep one away from what is really happening. Our most powerful feelings are often kept away from conscious awareness. They are generally not acceptable in today’s society. This needs to be recognized and brought to the light of healing for us to feel the freedom to do what we would truly like to do.

Feelings have a profound ability to help us navigate to our destination which is, of course, the Self, but also a feeling of contentment and rightness while we live here on earth. So the first step is to develop a new relationship with them. This might seem hard at first, but will become increasingly easy when you realize that feelings are not as bad as you might have believed at first. Much could be said regarding feelings, but be cautious that this not become a delaying tactic. Let’s not delay.

Relax. Take a slow breath. Allow yourself to feel. Dare to invite a feeling that you find unacceptable. Notice what happens in your body. Notice some sort of contraction, a dislike of some sort. Now, instead of recoiling from it, establish an attitude of strong intent to get to know this part of yourself! Remember, it is trying to tell you something, which may well be of great importance to you. This part of yourself could be in a very bad shape from your constant rejection of it. And yes, you need to nurse your whole self, including the rejected parts, back to health.

Try this several times with a feeling that first comes up which you judge as negative or unpleasant.

Step 1. Talk to it. (Do this out loud, and for a while. Notice any discomfort.)

Does this feel ridiculous and uncomfortable to you? Don’t let that stop you. Say “Hello” to it, just to break the ice. Imagine you met a stranger and you are determined to get to know him or her. Sometimes this can be startling, since this feeling has never received any acknowledgment or acceptance from you before, except for your judgment against it.

Step 2. Accept its responses.

Ask yourself: Can I accept this feeling? And let the answer spontaneously come up. Be honest. Saying NO is often more honest than a “kind of yes.” You need to determine what feels truer. If the answer is no, ask yourself again, “Is it OK that it is NO?” Again wait for the reply. This reply must emerge from within, so do not make the old mistake of getting answers from your mind. If the reply is NO again, continue asking: “Is NO an OK answer?” NO might come up endlessly, or seemingly so. Is it OK that it’s not OK that it’s not OK? Just continue asking until you get YES. “Yes” is a form of acceptance, and acceptance is what this feeling part of you desperately needs.

Step 3. Explain to it why you felt you had to deny it.

Take time and ask yourself for reasons why you had to deny this feeling. When the answers come, speak directly to the feeling as if you were talking to a friend whom you could not talk to for a long time. Some examples: “I did not even know I could talk to you;” “I thought you were not real or were unconscious;” or “I was frightened of what you might tell me.” Simple, honest answers are like soothing waters to most of these dried up, rejected, lost feelings.

The next step takes real courage.

Step 4. Apologize to it. (Aloud, and loudly, is best.)

Notice your resistance: “Why should I apologize? I am right!” Yet in this realization that you think “you” are right, the long-standing separation between you and your true feelings might be apparent. Mind has a habit of thinking it is right, but when it comes to feelings it is surely mistaken. Feelings are a reflective agent to let the mind know what it is doing.

Step 5. Ask forgiveness.

You are asking this feeling part of yourself to forgive you for denying it and excluding it from proper participation in your life. It has an amazing intelligence to show you the beauty and gifts it has to offer. It will forgive you in a most profound way. Trust it.

Step 6. Forgive yourself for denying it.

Here is a chance to accept yourself and forgive yourself for not allowing your own full freedom to move and expand. “I forgive myself for denying my feeling of _________” could be repeated several times, or any form of forgiveness you feel is appropriate. Let your feelings guide you here. At times forgiveness might feel impossible. In that instant try: “I accept myself for _____ and I forgive myself for not accepting myself earlier.” Repeat this several times, slowly, until you feel the release.

Step 7. Release judgments.

Holding judgments—especially toward parts of yourself—can keep your whole world locked up in its unmoving grip. Oftentimes our feelings are named, judged, and misunderstood, but as they evolve they change and become new. A feeling that was hard to feel before becomes not only OK to feel but has a pleasant, flowing quality. Some beliefs are true only in our own minds. They limit us to new possibilities. Therefore it is healthy to release these judgments and replace them with new understandings. For example: “I release the judgment that this feeling is in fact bad, or unpleasant, or something to avoid.” Then allow those feelings to be participants in your daily life.

Step 8. Negotiate a new relationship with this part and the rest of you.

You might invite this part of you to be present with you. If it is not fully transformed, repeat the process until it is. You are training yourself to express what is really happening in you without drama, and without burdening those close to you with your misunderstandings of yourself. If you really get into it, you will find all your denials, all your blocks to love’s presence, give them release, and free the energy flow in your body and your life.

This liberating process can be applied to aches, illnesses, hurts, depressions or anything you find in yourself that is not completely happy. 

The above is what I call “The Eight Steps” or “The Art of True Response.”

Promoting feeling over thinking is not popular in spiritual circles. Without training, allowing feelings to arise can make us muddled and confused. I am a long-term teacher of ACIM. I have also been guided by Right Use of Will, another channeled work that is practically unknown in spiritual circles. ACIM focuses on healing and awakening the mind. RUOW focuses on feeling over thinking. Both felt true, but for years I could not reconcile these two powerful works. ACOL, however, brought them together for me through its integration of thought and feeling in the heart.

A full appreciation of both thought and feeling is essential. As ACOL says:

You are a thinking being. This cannot be denied nor should it be. Thus a Course that left you with an erroneous impression that relying on feeling alone would complete your learning would in actuality leave your learning incomplete . . . too many of you would become muddled in your feelings and know not where to turn to explain the many riddles they would seem at times to represent. (T1:1.8)

For me personally, feeling is the secret to it all! All my feelings—particularly so-called negative ones—became my most beloved allies. They began to evolve into what they were meant to be: the free flow of light and love. Free Will. They become a True Response that mind does not control. When the Call from Love comes my way I step back and freely respond to the feeling. My body vibrates with the feeling of that light.

ACOL introduces feelings quite elaborately. It distinguishes between emotions, which “speak the language of your separated self,” as opposed to feelings, which are “the language of the heart.” (C:9.2) It is heart-centered feelings of which I speak. “In your feelings, especially those you cannot name, lies your connection to all that is.” (C:9.13)

Feelings, unified with thoughts, are constantly creating. Feelings, when truly allowed in a maximal, free expression, are highly creative. If they are free, they create expressions of love; if not, they manifest as sickness and fearful situations generally. “Sickness is a rejection of feelings. All that causes fear is rejection of feelings.” (D:Day14.2) When feelings are not free, one’s “dialogue” with the universe is just a mental, hobbled, response.

The Art of True Response helps to heal the feelings so they have an ability to fully create and manifest. One might also say that the Art of True Response is a search-and-destroy mission for all the blocks to love’s presence. ACOL enjoins us to “willfully remember” feelings, which are to be “accepted back into the spacious Self.” (D:Day16.4)

Awakening one’s receptivity, opening the receptive centers to feelings, is a key in spirituality. Until we do so, our search for God or ourSelves will succeed only partially. Feelings provide juice and wholeness. Without feelings there is no spine and no connection to true Spirit. True response keeps the spirit in constant manifestation, not just a momentary revelation, but a constant expression of the love that we are. When true feelings are available they ground the mind and severely reduce erratic thinking. This brings the quiet, tranquility, softness, and tenderness that stays effortlessly with you without the need to hide.

Karči (Cole) Kňazovický is a classical guitar teacher, composer and performer, a couples therapist, and a professional facilitator of men’s groups and mixed gender polarity work with focus on masculinity. Cole extensively explored deep feelings through channeled material called Right Use of Will and is also a long-term teacher of ACIM focused particularly on the Workbook as a means of feeling application. Cole’s 9 year-old son, Juni, lives with him in a community near Byron Bay, Australia.