Recently I was asked for help by a reader who wanted to know how to handle a difficult relationship situation. In brief, her problem was that her husband was an active church member who often was involved in projects that also included predominantly women from the congregation. Due to a negative experience in a previous relationship in which her partner was unfaithful, this woman was afraid it might happen again. She did not like her husband being around all these women. What could she do about it? She said, “How I can change a situation that I detest so strongly? It’s like forcing a person to be fine with eating liver even though they don’t like the taste.”

A very good question! How indeed do we “make peace” with the unacceptable? How do we come to a place of acceptance of something we cannot accept? I had no immediate answer, so as always, I asked the Holy Spirit for guidance. Here is what I received:

Holy Spirit: First, I want you to recognize that your ego is not being asked by the Holy Spirit to “like” anything. You are not being asked to “like” any situation you find yourself in, you are just being asked to see it differently, to cease to think about it in the way you are now, to stop making it the focus of your energy.

This is the first major step in returning your mind to peace when such thoughts overtake your mind.

The next step is to realize there is nothing you can do about what another feels, thinks, or does. But you can change how you respond to the situation, which will inherently change it—if not immediately, it will in time if you remain consistent.

The first thing you might consider changing about how you respond to a situation you do not like, is to know that the more you try to “fix” a problem, the more you keep the solution away. What you resist persists. Remember, the ego always needs someone or something to hate. It needs this focus in order to keep your higher Self unaware of Who You Are; for you remain as God created you. You rest in His peace and this is your natural state.

So, the ego must constantly invent new targets for your mind to be distracted by—wishes that certain events or people were different, because these people or events, as they are, seem to be keeping you from your happiness. The ego does this in order to keep you from remembering the Truth. The ego wants to maintain a feeling of resistance to what is. The ego wishes the past were different and for the future to be under its control. It gives no consideration to the peace of the present moment or the thoughts and feelings of anyone else but itself.

In fact, this is the root of all unhappiness—one hundred percent of all your suffering comes from your ego wanting people or circumstances to be different than they are. This is a state of complete resistance to your present peace.

And one hundred percent of the solution comes from ceasing to listen to the ego.

Yet, despite what your ego wishes, you remain as God created you. How did God create you to be? He created you without ego thoughts—without thoughts about separate forms, the world of bodies, and all their related complications and problems. God created you still. He created you as part of His Stillness, resting in quiet peace and deepest, profound joy.

So now, let us turn to any problem you may think you have. How do you solve it? Know this—you are not being asked to solve any problem. That is not your role in the world. The ego thinks it can solve problems through endless thoughts, filled to capacity with anxiety, dread, and worry. Yet, all this analyzing is wasted effort. Why? Because even if all your current problems were solved to your ego’s liking, I promise you, the gap would soon be filled with more. There is no end to the ego’s taste for disharmony. This is because if your mind was allowed to be still even for a moment, the ego knows it would cease to be.

Your problems are inventions of the ego to keep you distracted from your inner peace. That is the only reason you perceive any problems at all.

The only solution is to let everything be. Let your thoughts be still for just a moment, and you will be guided from within as to what next to say and do, if any action is called for. Such guidance will always feel like loving inspiration that brings peace to all involved, and not a solution stemming from control, revenge, or anger.

You are not here to solve all the world’s problems. You are here to fix the one problem you have with the world: Why do you see it at all? Herein lies the answer to every problem you have ever had. For the world you see through the ego’s thinking is an illusion. Overcome the illusion, and you will have overcome all your perceived problems. (End message from the Holy Spirit)

So how do we overcome illusions?

In A Course In Miracles we read, “How does one overcome illusions?  Surely not by force or anger, nor by opposing them in any way.” (T:22 V.1:1-2)

How does one go about “not opposing” what we detest?

A Course of Love explains, “You are not called to accept what you do not like, but to accept that you don’t like whatever it is you don’t like. Then, and only then—when you have accepted how you feel—can you respond truly. . . . All power to effect change comes from acceptance—not acceptance of the way things are, but acceptance of who you are in the present.” (D:Day 8:8.4,8)

Our happiness comes down to paying attention to how we feel. Do we like how we feel in response to our situation? Is this feeling what we truly want?

If the answer is “no,” then remember that you’re resisting the situation, and the ego is ruling your mind. You have lost all awareness of our inherent Oneness.

Again, the ego always needs a target to hate—a situation or person to focus on, to divide you from another person or situation as it attempts to control through guilt or fear. The ego wants you to have a reason to feel resistance in order to keep the “drama wheel” turning so that you never stop and allow stillness to enter your mind.

Thus, when you have forgiven—that is, when you have ceased all “control thoughts” or wished things were different—healing will come and it will change your life, first inside, then out.

Then is your mind free to move into the stillness of God’s Thoughts: Thoughts that trust in the truth that we are eternal, we are One, we are as God created us—forever at peace in His Love.

So, what should we do about our relationships, including the one mentioned above? The most loving thing you can do is to allow. To accept what is, including your thoughts about others. Cease to wish anything to be different about them. The ego will always want assurances that love will not walk away. We each have an intense fear of abandonment, reflecting the initial mistake of thinking that we could ever be separate from God. This is what we think happened to us in our relationship with Him, and became the root of all relationship insecurities.

Call the ego’s bluff! Let go! Cease in your mind and heart to be another’s jailer. I guarantee you’ll discover your personal power instead of fear.

Beth Geer is the author or “Awakening To One Love” and an upcoming book, “Awakening Humanity: Our Place Among Extraterrestrials and Angels.” You can find her at www.bethgeer.com