[I]f you have been religious, abandon not your churches, for you will find within them now, direct experiences of sharing. If you have found guidance and comfort in the written word, abandon not the written word, for the written word will now elicit direct experiences of sharing. If you have enjoyed learning through gatherings of students, gather still, and experience sharing directly. If a time arrives when you no longer feel drawn to these modes of sharing, share anew in ever-wider configurations. T4:12.9
Sunday: The Cabin
According to the computer it is 6:30. If this is true (which it probably is) I’m all screwed up. Daylight savings time. At 5:00 my watch said 4:00, now my watch says twenty to five when it is twenty to six. Why does this feel so complicated? Geesh. Still, as I came out, treading the cabin’s path carefully for the ice that’s come with spring melt, I was thinking, “What is with the traffic at this hour? Where is my Sunday morning quiet?”
It reminded me of a sweet young visiting priest who shared officiation of the Mass yesterday. He was a mission priest assigned to a parish village in Venezuela in a diocese that is considered a sister to the Twin Cities, partially because it sits at the meeting of two rivers, as we do here. He seemed frail and perhaps unwell.
I was talking about him when Mom and I got in the car after church—a struggle for her—and she said, “One time when I was in the hospital, Dr. Barnes came in before I got my wig and makeup on, and he said, “We’re going to keep you another day. You don’t look too good.” She said, “The next day, I got up early and got myself fixed up before he arrived.”
During the Mass, I leaned in to whisper in her ear, “Look to the left. A habited nun.” Mom is always saying she wishes nuns still wore habits. The young nun sat with the family that, at the end of the Mass, was identified as that of the visiting priest.
In the course of his homily he spoke of the warmth of the people of Venezuela. He gestured with outstretched arms, palms resting face up on each other, and said “They hand you their hearts.” And he also spoke of poverty and moral decay and noise. It was clear the noise was hardest on him. The social ills were devastating to the village, but the noise was most devastating to him. Crime and gangs cause barred windows and doors. And yet, from within and without, a competition of noise. Constant noise. Noise at all hours of the day and night. Noise impossible for him to escape, and he a country boy. He spoke of the lack of accessible healthcare too, and how you could wait three hours and then be told to go home. I thought, “He is ready to collapse and he desires, so strongly, to keep carrying on.” All this was clear. It was not just his words or his physical appearance. His brother priest had been at the Venezuelan parish 19 years; he a year and a half. What would it feel like, I wondered, to be one of his family, mother to a beloved son, giving his life in such a way?
Now I remember something Dad said to me when he was in the nursing home. It was about my countenance. I remember thinking at the time what an unusual word it was, and it was clear he chose it thoughtfully. How I wish I could remember exactly what he said. Was it something like, “You have a pleasant countenance?” Seems it could have been more than that. It meant the world to me. Even when I only vaguely knew what countenance meant, I knew it was a great compliment. Remembering this, I look up the word:
countenance (see contain) lit., way one holds oneself; 1. The look on a person’s face that shows one’s nature or feelings, 2. The face, facial features, visage 3. A look of approval on the face, 4. calm control, composure, see contain / contain: enclosing within, including.
It is obvious to me, now and again, that our physical forms can convey much about our inner lives. What I knew of the young priest felt like that. Like I could see his nature and his feelings; his countenance. The strange thing is, that I have been thinking about the way I bear my physical form. Because of going to the ACIM Conference in New York next month. I practice standing up straight (I usually slouch!). I have begun to attempt to change my “at rest” facial expression, because I know it is rather dour. I imagine being in the public eye and hope to look peaceful and pleasant, or at least not like a slouch or a sour puss. (Now there’s an expression I haven’t used or heard in forty years … sour puss … once so common!) Time shows up in my body too, my slouch likely having started when I was big-breasted teen. And age seeming to let my face slacken in a downward facing way! Yet these features are not quite what I feel is expressed by the word “countenance.”
My recent awareness of these things are only part of the reason I identify with the mission priest. I mainly just felt for him. My heart opened to him. And I could share the feeling of being summoned to a place that might not suit my nature, and yet willingly going. Such an easier assignment I have! I hope to carry my mission with as much grace. I know I’ll go offering my heart, and that I’m ready to embrace the hearts of those I’ll meet there.
As I write this, day is coming, and it’s working on me. The sun is about to rise and there is a golden orange glow sitting atop the fence. The yard animals are out for breakfast, unaware of the time change.
Than you Mari, Anne and Roger.
Don’t we all get to a point where all is natural and where we let all to it’s nature? And then nothing can be wrong.
I remember that you, Mari, in one of our first email contacts, had made a quite positive comment on my countenance, without using the word countenance, about the only picture that I could put in the frame at the left of my account. I was surprised, happily surprised that this picture should “speak”.
I realize that our body, and more specifically our face always communicate. After the age of more or less 30, I never saw any need to change what was to be expressed by my body. And now I feel completely free from this concern. But I enjoy seeing peoples faces. To me: the less is hidden, the better. Isn’t transparency love’s expression?
I enjoyed today seeing your picture Roger on your Omni Silence page, with a “silent look”.
I have no doubt that people will increasingly show their real face at all times as we grow in maturity in this planet.
Love to see you all. And who knows if one day we can meet in person. I would truly love that.
Mari, thank you for your post. I so need the connection with ACOL devotees. The world beyond the human form can have “countenance” or an appearance with qualities, have you noticed? I wrote a poem about when ACOL entered my life. I saw a picture of the book in an ad and it had energy, it shone, it’s “countenance” beckoned me from the page. Anyway, I ordered it.
THE BECKONING
You are at the Humane Society
Seeking
Here
There
Suddenly
Heart skipping a beat
Eyes lighting up
The recognition
And a cage door opens
Or
Wandering the beach
Free from brain spin for the moment
Ahh yes… there
Tumbled smooth
Wet
A stone
Sparkles
Just for you
Or
Sauntering in a bookstore
Remember those times?
Aisles, shelves, loaded with promise
Suddenly the beckoning
And you pick a book
Or it picks you
That happened to me recently
(Not in a bookstore)
And my universe
Turned other-side-around
Lighting everything
Lightening everything
Opening-opening-opening me (ouch)
To a fresh new world
Not yet mine.
Paula Payne Hardin
Dearest Paula,
I love your “ouch” as I loved your “but” in the last poem! There is this series of chapters in A Treatise on the Personal Self that feels so powerful each time I return to it. It starts with Chapter 3: The True Self, and then right after is Chapter 4: The Dismantling of Illusion. In that chapter is this quote: The training of this Course, while gentle in nature, has been great, as great as that of any military training, as great as any emotional trauma that has left one in a state of emptiness. This is, in effect, the state in which you currently find yourself.
There is this death of the old and birth of the new going on. Some seem to experience it without the “but” and the “ouch” … but not me! While some see the end of ego as instant enlightenment, I see it as starting out as a new babe.
I’d love to have you share with us on the ACOL Facebook group, https://www.facebook.com/groups/mariperron/
and I would love to share your poems. May I?
Thanks for your response! My ego must have been a healthy one with continuing “thought patterns” that hang on still. The “ouch” and the “but” are integral to my process. Yes, you may share my poems, I would love to have them go out to others. Isn’t that part of relationship?? Paula
Jacques, How wonderful to hear you remember our first email exchange. Yes, I remember that. Your picture did speak to me.
This New York conference is a wonderful thing to look forward to, particularly because I am not going to “speak.” I get to go and just meet people, to enjoy sharing A Course of Love. I did not mean to convey uncertainty about myself, only a desire to “appear” as welcoming as I know I will feel! This has elicited such sweet comments though. I am thankful and will not concern myself further with the shape of my shoulders!
Ha ha..
Those shoulders will just send out love…
Completely agree Anne. Nothing to prove. Just be Ourself. With a natural conviviality, it’s always the best way to let all scenarios in the hands of the Christ. Have a blessed day . Roger
Thank you Roger. There’s another nice but underused word: conviviality.
Yes Roger, to being ourselves …
I like the word conviviality, in the translation to swedish it has to do with just being ourselves in a natural relaxed way, enjoying the moment and people around us.
And in Sweden the word is often used about some elder people…
Mari..
You are just such a beautiful soul… Today I read Acol, listen to Acol and went into all the groups…still hungry for more I thought about what would satisfy my hunger… I know that there are more people out there now sharing ACOL..but the only one I really felt to listen or read from right now was you…
I think it is because you are showing so much your humaness in combination with your deep understanding and beautiful way of sharing ACOL:s message…
I love and smile when you share about practicing straightening up before you come to the conference… (that could be me, just did the same today when I was out walking)
Slouch or not I know people will welcome you warmly because you are so much yourself… And I personally love when people have an “at rest facial expression”
You already carry your mission with so much grace and so much love.. Thats why you were chosen to become the first receiver. And I know you will embrace the heart of those you meet.
Love from Anne
Dear Anne, What you write touches me so. Thank you from the depths of my heart. You have this quality you give to me too, you know. When you express yourself, I want to “be with you.”
Much love,
Mari
Mari, I just love what you said to Anne: When you express yourself, I want to “be with you.”
I want to be with you Mari, Anne, Roger, Paula, and many many others. In fact “I am with you.”
Love,
Thankyou so much Mari for your reply… Today some old sadness came up… I.dont know exactly what it was about but I think it has to do with that after a period when I have really felt a new sense of union and a feeling of how it can be to live from the heart… Today I just felt I was back again in some way… back to old me… Your words and what Jacques wrote helped me to connect again, feel my truth self, feel that you and others are there with me… and tears came rolling. Love from Anne
Love responds. And never leaves. Here we are Anne. Love.
Now more tears come… Thankyou Jacques.
Now I am gonna enjoy a cup of and read Maris latest post. Love Anne