rain glisteningHow can memory so deceive the eyes, and yet fail to deceive the heart? C:8.28

Our place in the pattern of God’s creation “is not a place of physical form but a place of holiness, an integral place in the pattern that is oneness with God. It is a place you have never left but that you long for, believing that you know it not. Your life here is much like a search for your story. Where will this chapter lead? What will the end be like? Was one event a mistake and another a blessing in disguise? You seek to know your story’s table of contents, or at least a brief outline. Where does your life fit in the larger picture? And yet, you realize that—like reading a story—when the end is reached and all is known, the story is over except in memory and reflection and perhaps in speculation. C:26.24

A morning filled with rain, thunder and lightning, it required me to put on my galoshesgaloshes for the trek to the cabin, a pair I inherited from my father-in-law Ed. I love zipping my feet, complete with socks and shoes, into their black rubber.

rain on leavesA few hours later, after the rain left, and the sun came out, I went walking, swinging my arms with the joy of early morning and the shower that kept pelting me like grace as I moved beneath the dear trees of my neighborhood. I will likely move in the next year, and I feel that each day I am creating and preserving memories.

I’ve also been reviewing the paper trail of my life. Along the way I find all kinds of writings, some about my experience of this Course, like the one I shared in last week’s post. I have sought “the actual” to compliment memory. Yet at times I feel that my memory is more accurate than what I’ve found.

Yes, the details are nice. The dates, the historical facts. They may even be necessary. Yet how I feel—looking back from today—and how I felt then, are so often different. Have you ever felt this? Have you felt the ability of memory to transform the past? Memories of childhood? Memories of the breakup of a love relationship? Memories of a loved one who died? Memories even, of who you once were, what you believed, who and what you had faith in?

“Memory” is an incredibly rich theme within A Course of Love:

You can look back on your life and see its form. You could write an autobiography describing every experience you encountered between your earliest memory and the present moment and it would say nothing about you if it related the experiences only as physical events. Your experiences may, in their totality, be called your life, but they cannot be called you. You stand apart. And yet in your choice of, and response to your experiences were you revealed, because, in this way only, were you a creator. D:Day36.3

There are so many ways memory is spoken of. It begins in the Course, where there are multiple references to our memory of God’s creation:

It is because you remember love as that which kept you safe, that which kept you happy, that which bound all those you love to you, that you attempt to use love here. This is a real memory of creation that you have distorted. Your faulty memory has caused you to believe love can be used to keep you safe, to make you happy and bind to you those you choose to love. This is not the case, for love cannot be used. C:9.3

The same is true of our memory of relationship. We have remembered “that all things exist in relationship, and that all things happen in relationship.” (C9.4) With this too, we seek to make use of this memory, not realizing that relationship cannot be used.

Memory is spoken of more broadly as well: “The memories of your heart are the strongest and purest that exist.” (C9.12)  Their remembrance will help to still our minds and reveal the rest.

There is even an experiment in observing the body that leads to an unorthodox conclusion. After participating, “You will remember the urge to laugh gently at yourself and the expanded vision as well. You will remember that for a moment your body did not seem to be a boundary that kept you contained within its limitations. Then you will remember that this is but a Course in remembering and that memory is the language of the heart.” C:10.31

In The Treatises, especially A Treatise on the Art of Thought, memory is linked to mindfulness and our ability to live what we have learned:

A Course of Love has provided you with what you need to know, which is the function of all coursework. This does not mean that you have acquired the ability to live what you have learned, only that you are ready to. The very word “remember,” as well as the concept of memory, implies mindfulness and the ability to reproduce or recall both what has been learned and what has been previously experienced. This reproducing and recollecting are acts of creation. They do not bring back a reality that once was but transform that reality into a present moment experience. It is in the present-moment experience memory provides that truth rather than illusion can now be experienced and learned from. It is in the present-moment experience that you will receive the blessing of being able to respond differently to love. T1:1.4

I love this one and the idea that we are not called to reinterpret memory but to respond newly:

[T]he first opportunities for you to learn the art of thought will be provided through what we have called the re-experiencing of memory. These are opportunities to re-experience the lessons your life has brought you. You will experience the same lessons in the same way, rather than in a new way, if you meet these experiences again with the attitude of interpreting them rather than responding to them. They do not require interpretation but response. Response was what was required in the first place and your inability to respond need not be repeated. You are being revisited with these lessons expressly for the purpose of not repeating your former reaction or interpretation of them. You are being revisited with these lessons so that you may apply to them the art of thought rather than the thinking of the ego-mind. The art of thought will reveal the truth to you. T1:4.21

Most poignantly perhaps, is that I have found that memories truly do have the ability to transform and so to be transformative.

I could go on and on, but I’ll conclude as the Dialogues conclude, recognizing once again, how we travel through the whole gamut of the human . . . to the divine.

rain blur clearerDay 39.33:

Everyone carries the memory of I Am.

Day 39.34:

What memory of I Am will you carry with you now that you know that I Am is who I am and who you are? What memory has this Course and this Dialogue returned to you? What memory is without attributes because it is who I Am and not a projection? Only love. What memory is not a memory, but your identity? Only love.